Death Note: Behind the Scenes
by Adeline-Eveline
Summary: Ever wonder how the Death Note characters really are? Find out in Death Note: Behind the Scenes! Sponsored by Your Mom Productions!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Is it just me, or did September go by so slowly? Glad it's finally October. **

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><p>"What is it? I won't tell anyone."<p>

"I'm L."

The air tensed. The scene was serious and full of importance.

Light slowly looked at L. Then, just as slowly, he raised his hands and grabbed his cheeks, stretching them out.

They both burst into laughter.

"Cut! _Cut!"_

'L' and 'Light' continued laughing like crazed hyenas. The director scowled.

"Hey! Stop!" He demanded, shaking his fist. "We need to finish this! Do you know how long the fans have been waiting for the anime to come out?"

"Sorry," Light said, wiping tears. "It's so hard to concentrate when L looks like that. I mean, have you _seen _his makeup?"

"At least I'm not a conceited teenager with a god complex," L sneered.

"Conceited?" Light shrieked, standing up. "I am _Kira! _I have a right to be conceited!"

"Shut up!" The director shouted, chucking the script at Light's head. "You are not Kira! You simply play the character Kira!"

Light pouted and sat down, crossing his arms. "Am I not a good Kira?"

L opened his mouth to speak, but the door slammed open. Mello ran towards the director, looking furious.

"What's wrong, M-Mello?" The director cowered in fear.

"There. Are. No. More. FUCKING. HOTDOGS." He screamed. "YOU KNOW THAT I CANNOT WORK WITHOUT HOTDOGS."

"But you aren't working! L hasn't died yet, and you come in after that!"

Light's eyes widened. "L dies?"

But he was ignored. "ARE YOU SAYING I'M NOT A MAIN CHARACTER?"

"Of course not! You are a very important-"

"What the fuck!" Light grabbed L by his shoulders, shaking him. "You die? Why? Who kills you?"

L smiled. "Kira."

Tears formed in Light's eyes. Then he ran out of the room, wailing.

"Light, wait!" L sprung out of his seat and ran after him.

The director sighed. "Uh, I guess we can take a break."

Light ran past Near, who gave him a WTF look. He kept running until he reached his dressing room. He stopped in front of the door, admiring the golden star with his name on it before he went inside.

"I killed L …damn, I'm good!"

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><p>"What's it like playing Light Yagami?"<p>

"Well," Light started thoughtfully. "I think it's _FUCKING AWESOME_!"

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><p>"Near," Matt said, looking serious for once. "Do you like Mello?"<p>

"As much as I like your mom."

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><p>"Wait, what?"<p>

"Just do what was rehearsed, please."

Ryuk shrugged and raised his arms over his head, holding up the bright, red apple. He then began his famous dance, shaking the apple while rocking back and forth. The director smiled, pleased that someone was actually listening to him for once, and the cameraman had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing.

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><p>"L, I know you want to celebrate the first 13 episodes being recorded, but I don't know how to make a cake." Light frowned at the cookbook.<p>

L thought for a moment, then smiled, lifting up a huge bag of assorted candies. "I'll pile on the candy; it's such a pretty sight. It makes the food taste dandy but my tummy hurts all night."

"What?"

"I'll put in some ingredients, but keep the rest for me." L opened the can of icing, grabbing a spoon. "I'm not just disobedient, I'm careful, can't you see?"

Light, finally realizing what L was singing, smiled. "It's a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake."

"If the way is hazy, you gotta do the cooking by the book. You know you can't be lazy!" L exclaimed, shaking his head.

"Never use a messy recipe," Light pointed to the not-so-helpful cookbook. "The cake will end up _crazy. _If you do the cooking by the cook, then you'll have a-"

"Cake!" L cut in. "We gotta have it made! You know that I love cake. Finally, it's time to make a cake!"

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><p><strong>AN: Yeah… I don't know where this fic is going.**


	2. Chapter 2

"No!" The director shouted. "You're doing it wrong! CUT!"

Everyone spread out, mumbling. L sat up with a blank expression. "What is it this time?"

"You don't _shout! _You scream. Scream like you're terrified, not like you saw a lizard!" The director pulled at his hair, his eyes rolling all around.

"Uh, okay." L put on his scared face, and the camera began rolling again.

"Sh…shinigami?" He whispered, making his pupils dilate. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

He threw himself sideways, proceeding to roll around. "AAAH, NO, NO, NOT _SHINIGAMI!_ AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Light was dying of laughter. The task force was staring. The director was tearing up, biting at a handkerchief. "Yes! Beautiful!" He cried.

L wasn't finished yet. He stood up, pulling at his hair like the director was doing previously, and did a strange twitching thing. "T-They're coming for me. I won't- I- no. I c-can't."

The director, gaining some sense, began clapping. "Cut! That was amazing, L, simply amazing!"

L didn't stop, though. "What if… what if…"

Light approached L, patting him on the shoulder. "Very nice acting, man! Was hilarious, though."

He slapped Light's hand and crouched down, getting on his knees and crawling out of the room. "No… no…"

Light began laughing again.

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><p>"<em>DROP THE BEAT!"<em>

L and Light's feet moved in sync; they stomped on the arrows with unbelievable speed, Light flailing while L had his hands stuffed casually into his pockets. Dance Dance Revolution was an intense game, and a very serious one according to L and Light. They spun around, kneeling and slapping the arrow, then jumped back up. The cast watched in awe.

"I… won't lose." Light growled, glancing at L, who was winning with ease.

"Are you sure about that?" He replied smugly, performing a fancy spin.

Light wiped sweat from his forehead and turned back to the screen. "Positive."

Five minutes later, Light lost.

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><p>"Ass ass ass ass ass ass-"<p>

"L, WE GET IT, YOU LIKE MISA'S ASS. JUST SHUT UP."

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><p><strong>AN: That's it for today.**


	3. Chapter 3

"Light-kun, what are you doing?"

Light jumped, spinning around and gasping. In one hand he clutched a can of hairspray, in the other an expensive-looking comb. "I-I can explain!"

"Oh, I see," L said smugly, walking forward as Light watched, terrified. "Light-kun _does _use an excessive amount of hair products. I recall you saying something about your hair being 'naturally beautiful.' Was this a mere fabrication, Light-kun?"

Light stared at the man before him, pondering his options. He could lie, or could deny it, or simply run away. At the moment, he couldn't make this simple decision, despite his impressive IQ and intelligence. "I, uh, it's just that…"

"Yes?"

"I… FUCK YOU!"

Light threw the hairspray directly at the mirror before him in anger, causing it to crack and shatter. The glass fell dramatically to the floor, the sound echoing throughout the small bathroom. Light stomped off, only to slip on a conveniently placed banana peel. He then landed on a huge pile of nails that just so happened to be there, thus beginning his trip to the hospital.

And his seven years of bad luck.

Later that evening, as L relaxed in front of the television, he watched an interesting CNN report about how an ambulance suddenly burst into flames and killed one of the passengers.

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><p>Light approached L cautiously. Today he was trying an extremely risky method of getting L's name, and quite honestly, a dumb one. But it was worth the trouble, according to Light.<p>

He tapped his shoulder. L turned around slowly, frowning slightly. "What is it, Light-kun?"

"I just met you," Light began solemnly. "And this is crazy. But here's my number," He handed him a folded sheet of notebook paper. "So call me maybe?"

L laughed. "Very creative, Light-kun. I shall give you my phone number as well. Do you have a pencil or pen I may borrow?"

Light nodded eagerly- almost too eagerly- and handed him a ballpoint pen. L nodded his thanks and opened the sheet of paper, smoothing it out before writing his name and phone number on it. He ripped it out and handed it to Light, who upon receiving it broke out into hysterical laughter.

"You idiot!" He shouted between maniacal laughter. "You just wrote your full name on a sheet of paper from the Death Note!"

L froze. "…What?"

But before Light could reply, L began to choke, falling over in his chair. Light watched, still laughing crazily, as he twitched rapidly on the ground before stilling.

"Yes," Light muttered, turning away from L's presumably dead body. "Kira wins. Kira always wins."

He stalked away, slamming the headquarter doors shut behind him. L sighed, sitting up and resuming his position on the char.

And that is how a week of acting lessons saved the world's 3 greatest detectives' lives.

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><p><strong>AN: I need to stop writing these.**


	4. Chapter 4

"Mello?"

"What, Near?"

"Butts."

"Butts?"

"Big and round."

"Okay, Near."

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><p><strong>AN: This chapter was absolutely necessary; don't try telling me otherwise**.


	5. Chapter 5

"Is Near finished eating?" Matt cooed.

"Nearly," Mello replied, covering his mouth to keep from giggling like a little schoolgirl.

"So what you mean is, Near is nearly nearing completion of his meal?"

"You are nearly correct about Near nearly nearing completion of his nearly-finished meal, Matt."

Near said nothing; he just kept spooning his macaroni and chewing silently.

"Near, nearly finished nearing the end of your dinner? Bedtime is nearly near."

He still said nothing.

"You know, Mello, yesterday I nearly neared nearing to a nearby police station when I nearly got caught nearing towards the closed Game Stop near the nearly open Subway at nearly 3 am when it was nearing 3:01 AM."

"A fascinating tale, Matt. That reminds me of the time I nearly neared-"

"NATE!" Near finally screeched, jolting up from his chair and pounding his fists into the table. "JUST CALL ME NATE!"

Mello and Matt were silent for a moment before Mello turned to Matt and said in a concerned tone:

"I believe Near is nearing insanity."

"I nearly agree, Mello."

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><p><strong>AN: This was extremely fun to write.**


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